your parents love me but you hate me
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
