I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
