its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
