trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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