You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
