you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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