woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
