explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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