ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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