I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
