Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
