Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
