How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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