my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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