You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
