So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
