I am full of burrito and curiosity
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
