I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
