We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
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I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
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Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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