I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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