Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize