Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
