just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
