..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
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he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
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Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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