apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize