I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
