Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
