if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
