i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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