he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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