Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
be right there i have to get my cape
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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