grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
