evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
