Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
