I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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