we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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