Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
