We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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