i permit you to call me
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
