You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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