And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
