I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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