Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The air was thick with penises
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
