Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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