She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
