So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
