Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I have tasted many bathrooms
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
