Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
