I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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