he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
