Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
