So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
