i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
jump out the window naked night went bad
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
