I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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