Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
