my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
