Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
