thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
