Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
