i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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