Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
