***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
