I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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