i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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