people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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