You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
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Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
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They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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