All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
