No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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