SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
