Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
