She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
