Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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